Autumn: I can’t choose just one… My favorite is probably the words “Mommy I love you but we seem have our differences,” which my 4-year-old said to me at bedtime.
Becky: My son, who was six years old at the time, said, “You’ve got to be kidding me!” when I told him I was pregnant with our third child. Do you know how difficult it is to raise three kids, Mom? “LOL So funny…and he was right.
Rhonda: My 4.5-year-old daughter asked me, as we walked through the store, “Why must I match my clothes but you don’t?”
Deborah: “Guess, mommy?” “Daddy has a tail!”
Sandi: “Mom, please, put my poop away.” (He had pooped on the side of the tub and left them there for me to place in the toilet. The child was only two at the time and was very polite.
Sara, five years old, yesterday in Central Park: “Mama why are so many men showing their nipples?”
Heather Jacobs: “Who needs a bed when you’ve got a warm mother?”
Kim: I’m doing Passport to Purity (with my 12-year-old), and we reached the “birds & bees” section. Her first comment was, “Man, Mary (Jesus’s mother) was lucky!”
Dawn: “You’re not the boss!” Barack Obama is the boss!
When I opened my mouth, my three-year-old son, who is very active and strong-willed, came up to me. He said … “Mama…. When I open my mouth. I speak.” I did everything I could to avoid just dying from laughter!
Dot: When I said, “You kids are going to be the end of me” (I know that’s not good), my little one replied, “That is ok, Mommy. We will still grow.”
Jackie: “Why is it telling me there’s a hidden drive?” It’s not much of a mystery if they let you know. LOL, Max, age 8.
Julie: After acting silly and goofy with her 3-year-old, she asked him where he was from. He replied with a super straight face: “Target!”
Kali: I was jokingly warning my 6-year-old son with sticks and coke for Christmas. He said, “We’ll I can still use them for something.”
Michelle: “Why call us waiters, when we’re the ones waiting?”
Tiffany: “Mom were you ever remotely cool?” My 12-year-old said as I sang and danced about a duck to my 9-year-old son.
Holly: My ten-year-old son was turning 5 when he told me, “I’m 5, but my penis is only 4.”
Coreana, yesterday morning, my daughter was fighting with me over the remote. She’s 4. She took it from me, so I opened up my container of mini Oreos and gave her the last one. She grabbed the container, and I held back the remote. She looked at my face, shook her head, and said, “Man, that was a surprise.” I laughed.
Teresa: My nephew told the neighbor of my sister that she was saddened by her grandfather’s death and missed him terribly. The neighbor offered her condolences to my sister immediately. My father died in 1985, and my niece was only five years old.
Christina: My then 3-year-old son slapped my bottom while changing in the bathroom and said, “this is cool mom, it keeps going.” HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Michelle: There’s so many. My daughter said, “Thanks mommy for warming the seat up for me.” when she used the toilet after I did.
Danielle: When we picked up our son after his first day at pre-school, he ran up to us saying, “Mom and Dad, you’re going to be grandparents!” Huh!
Tali: My 2-year-old, who is obsessed with nursing, came up to me in the bathroom and asked, “Mommy nene me on the toilet while you sing Old McDonald.”
Glenn: “Because cows are easier to catch than chickens.” Then, Katie, five years old, was asked by her sister why we were charged extra for substituting chicken for beef in our Tacos at Taco Bell. The cashier even told her that she may be right.
Pam: I remember when my son was a toddler and had two white parents. As I bathed him in the summer, I commented on his tan. He replied, “Yeah I know, but I think I will be black when I am older.”
Rebecca: My five-year-old asked about the difference between a boy’s and a girl’s bit. I almost lost it. So many. I love the way kids talk.
Thuy: When I asked my four-year-old daughter, “Can you change your sister’s diaper for Mummy?” she replied, “No. I don’t want to get poo all over my hands.
Heather: “Mommy. Tigers are wild animals and live in zoos. They don’t live in Texas!” He was dead serious. Like I shouldn’t have to be told this. I nearly hurt myself laughing. Lance, Age 3
Erin, my 3.5-year-old, says: “Daddy said there might be water on the Moon, but he is wrong because he’s not right.”
Lisa: “My 4-year-old girl – Is that makeup to make you look younger?” You don’t appear old; your face is still straight.
Tokin: My son, who was probably around 4, said, “Sometimes the weenis I make has bones in them,” as we were all eating dinner. Tokin: I think my son was about four years old when he said, “Sometimes, my weenis has bones in it.” At the time, we wondered where he thought those bones went.
Melissa: “Mom, you may be forty years old but you can still boogey as if you were fourteen.”
Teresa: “What do you think happens to you when you die?” Does it melt like a Popsicle? Age 3
Kerri: “I love your coat, Mama. It looks like a rug …”
Kim: Wiley says, “Mommy, wrap me up like a Dorito at bedtime!”
Deb: My then 3-year-old son said, “Hold everyone, we’re falling down,” as we drove over a steep hill in our minivan with extended family. (It may have been the voice or timing, but that was hilarious at the time.)
Felicia: My first son used to tell people that he was experiencing heartburn after having my second child.
Lori: There are too many for me to choose just one. Since he was 2, he has said, “your old, warm!” Usually, when he is snuggling up to me.
Davis: My friend’s son was in the bathroom while she purged. He said, “Wow!” LOL. It’s cool that you pee AND poop out of your butt. What they think is funny!
Re: My 12-year-old said, “Doesn’t everyone know that 75% die in car accidents?” LOL. He meant 75% chance.
Heather: “Mom! Heather: “Mom, I now know where my poop is coming out!”
Autumn: I remember when my daughter asked me if she would be able to drive when she grew up. I told her that she could, but only when she was an adult. She said, “Yeah. And then I could say, ‘Speed up or get off of the road, stupidass. Autumn: I just remembered when my daughter was three she asked if she could drive, and I told her that she could when a grownup. She said “Yeah, but then I can say speed up or get off the road, dumbass!
Harmoni: My daughter broke a crayon when she stepped on it. She turned to me and said, “Oh no Mom I assaulted the pencil!” I laughed so much!
