It’s 5 pm. It’s 5 pm. You are standing in a grocery store in the middle of crowds when you hear:
You glance down at your daughter, who is four years old. Her eyes are fixed on the candy display right next to you. It’s too close to her dinnertime for her to be eating sweets.
“No sweetie,” you tell.
Your daughter’s face contorts as she shows her displeasure. Her lips pout, and her pupils widen.
“But, I want one!” he demanded, stomping his foot on the floor.
You’ve seen this scene before, and you know what to expect. You look at the line slowly moving in a state of panic. You feel stuck and have no other choice than to wait for the impact to begin.
The tantrum.
I have never met a parent in all my years of being a parenting educator who hasn’t faced this situation or something very similar. Tantrums, such as sleepless nights or picky food, are a parenting dilemma that everyone seems to experience.
There is still hope! There are many strategies that you can employ to stop tantrums dead in their tracks. What if I said that you could use tools right now to stop tantrums?
You can achieve anything you want.
Stopping Tantrums Before They Start
You can try to walk on eggshells constantly, trying to avoid an emotional outburst.
You can’t leave your house. What kind of a life is this?
Why not take action and prevent tantrums from starting? You know your child best. You know what makes him tick and what gets him upset.
You can prevent tantrums before they start by using one of these strategies. You’ll also be surprised at how these simple techniques will improve your child’s behavior in other situations.
Strategy #1: MIND BODY SOUL TIME (r) connection
The Positive Parenting Solutions Toolbox includes a powerful tool for raising well-behaved children. It is the MIND BODY SOUL TIME (r) connection.
Spending 10-15 minutes with your child each day doing what they want to do is called MIND, BODY, AND SOUL (r) Togetherness. You’ll see a dramatic change in your child’s behavior within 2 to 3 days after using this powerful tool!
Why? Because the MIND, BODY, and SOUL TIME (r) activities are short, they may do wonders to fill your child’s bucket of attention. It helps to strengthen the emotional bond and reminds your child that he is important during this special time. It seems that tantrums and attention-seeking behavior are reduced almost magically.
The MIND BODY SOUL TIME(r) activities are simple: Every day, let your children choose the special activity that they’d like to do just with you for 10 or 15 minutes. Please do it! Play with Legos or a book. Bake a cake. Take a bike trip. Let him make all the decisions.
An ounce is indeed worth a pound when it comes to prevention. This is also the case here. Just 10 minutes a day of your attention will suffice to satisfy your child’s desire for attention and reduce the number of tantrums.
Don’t forget about your emotional availability. You should also put away your phone, computer, and mental task list. Enjoy your time and reap the benefits.
Note: Are you worried about fitting MIND, BODY, and SOUL TIME (r) activities into your already-too-busy schedule? For Members of Positive Parenting Solutions, please review STEP 1 to learn more about MBST.
Strategies #2: Controlling the Environment
It’s 100 degrees outside. You forgot to give your son his snack, and he ate it on the kitchen counter. He is cranky, hungry, and hot.
The perfect storm is upon us.
You’ve probably been in this situation before if you’re anything like me. You know, one of those days when everything was aligned to set the stage for the mother-of-all tantrums?
We feel these moments sneaking up on us so many times, only to realize later that we could have changed things by doing small things differently at the beginning.
As parents, we have the power to control our child’s surroundings to eliminate the triggers that can make a perfect day go sideways. We can then have a stronger influence on the child’s attitude and behavior during the day.
If you know that your son absolutely needs an afternoon nap, do not schedule any activities during this time that would interfere with his ability to get the sleep he craves.
If you know that your daughter is more likely to be irritable and prone to outbursts when she’s hungry, make sure you always have healthy snacks on hand.
Take a few minutes each morning to plan your day. Plan your day by knowing where you are going and what you’ll be doing. You can avoid tantrums by controlling the environment.
Remember — life happens! It’s okay to skip meals and naps. If things don’t go as planned, manage your expectations. Focus on the next step.
Strategies #3: Set clear expectations
It’s not a surprise to anyone that children cannot read minds. What about the ability to pick up on subtle clues? It’s a waste of time.
If you want your children to follow your instructions, make sure you are very clear about your expectations.
Imagine that you are taking your son along to a party for a child in his preschool. Your son is usually friendly and gets along with other people, but sometimes, he can get overwhelmed by the number of kids around. You want your son to have a good time at the party but also avoid any meltdowns that could ruin it for everyone.
It’s a great time to let him know what you expect of his behavior. It is quiet, and there are no distractions. This gives you the opportunity to get your son’s full attention.
Tell him what to expect at the party and how you want him to act. Also, inform him about any consequences if he does not.
You’ve got to make your expectations clear. The ball is now in his hands. He could still lose control and fall into the tantrum territory. Yes. You can relax a bit knowing that you have taken the necessary preventative measures to stop any tantrums.
Strategy #4: Provide Positive Power
Children who are independent and have some control over their lives at an age-appropriate level thrive.
Kids may try to gain power by negative means if they aren’t given the opportunity to exercise positive powers. Backtalk, button-pushing, and tantrums all play a role.
You can help your child avoid negative power struggles by giving them a daily dose of positive power.
Give your child the freedom to make her own good decisions throughout the day. Ask your daughter what she wants for breakfast, or let her choose her outfit.
Are you worried that your choices will be too broad? You don’t have to worry. You can choose two options that you like, but let her make the final choice.
“Would You Prefer the Pink Cup or the Purple Cup?”
“Would You Like to Ride Your Bike to the Library or Park?”
You don’t let your daughter choose whether she takes her medicine or brushes her teeth. These are non-negotiables. There are many opportunities for her to show independence and power in positive ways throughout the day.
You’ll notice that negative behaviors, like tantrums, are less likely to happen later.
Final Thoughts
It’s a fact. Tantrums happen. Tantrums happen.
Now, you will hopefully see that there is still hope. It’s not just about ending tantrums but also preventing them from happening in the first place.
You can use these four simple but effective strategies.
