Six months ago, I took my daughter, who was eight years old, on a road trip to San Francisco. This was her first visit to the city, and she did extensive research to determine the best places to visit.
She was determined to try. The list was too long, and we had no chance of finishing it in just two days.
She loved climbing the crooked road and was fascinated by the Golden Gate Bridge. She could not fathom how people managed to get into and out of their drives at such difficult angles.
She enjoyed watching the seals play at the Wharf, and she ate a lot of sourdough. All of these things did not stick with her.
It was a weekend of memories that we shared with our girlfriends, but she didn’t feel a sense of purpose.
The constant presence of homeless people changed her soul.
She has been to New York City many times over the past eight years. She’s asked herself what it means to live in poverty and how she can help. But something about her recent trip gave her a new sense of responsibility for those in need.
She did not want to donate the bags of coins that we collected on our walks. She wanted to do something, and she tried to help directly. Since then, she’s never stopped talking about it.
We discuss change when tragedy strikes the news. We talk about the politics that are holding us back and what we can do to move forward.
We argue and debate about problems but don’t make any real changes.
Although it may seem impossible to some, I think we can still make a difference for future generations by putting in the effort.
Let’s start by raising children who have a high level of empathy. Together, we can choose to raise children who care about other people.
Stop the constant competition and judging, which trickles down to children. Hit the reset button.
Instead of shouting and spreading negativity, we can enjoy youth sports and sit back.
It’s important to put ourselves in the shoes of another mother before complaining about her lackluster efforts for PTA.
We can take humanity back and raise a more empathic generation.
Peter Gray, in his book Free to Learn: Why Unleashing The Instinct To Play Will Make Our Kids Happier, Self-Reliant and Better Students For Life, describes empathy as. “A tendency to connect with others emotionally, to see things from other’s point of view, to feel sympathy for their misfortune.”
When you stop and think about it, that’s an incredibly powerful statement.
Media often dilutes empathy. People talk about it but rarely follow through.
When we consider empathy through Gray’s perspective, it becomes a vital life skill.
Imagine a world in which people take the time to consider others’ feelings (and their potential misery) before acting on their emotional impulses.
We might see a reduction in bullying and anger-related outbursts and an increase in helping those who are in need. It’s worth a shot.
We can’t continue to raise children who lack empathy in this world.
These four strategies will help you foster empathy:
1. Validate Emotions in a Variety of Ways
To care for the feelings of other people, kids must be aware of their own emotions.
Parents rush in too often to fix problems so their children don’t feel bad. This is a mistake.
Negative emotions characterize every age and stage of life. Children need to be taught how to cope and process all their feelings.
It is never too late to develop an emotional vocabulary. It’s amazing how many teenagers flop on my couch to struggle with emotions other than mad, sad, or happy.
Discover and discuss all the emotions that people experience.
You can help your child see the world through a different lens by validating their emotions.
2. Do not shield yourself from the conversation
It’s no secret that parents are increasingly afraid of the world. Parents are worried about school shootings, cyberbullying, and food allergies.
We tend to protect children from sad stories to preserve their innocence.
Talking to children about tragic stories and global issues opens up the door for empathic thought.
We send the message to our children that they don’t really matter when we lie. We can cultivate empathy by engaging in meaningful conversations (and at an age-appropriate level).
3. Empathy
It sounds easy. In this busy culture, it can be not easy to focus on kindness and empathy.
We are often rushed and sleep-deprived, which means we lack time and patience.
Empathy is the key to raising an empathic child. It can be shown in both your parenting style and in everyday life.
Keep calm when faced with a frustrating parenting situation. To model emotional regulation for your children, take the time to analyze your feelings and triggers.
Before you react in anger, consider their triggers.
Empathy is a virtue that we can demonstrate in everyday life to help kids develop a sense of right and left.
4. Take Action
Volunteering to help others can be a wonderful way to teach your child empathy.
Consider the small things. Consider helping an elderly neighbor carry groceries or rake their leaves. Kids are encouraged to be change-makers by building community connections and offering first-person help.
Riley received a two-dollar envelope with the words “Pay it Forward” in his homework last week. The idea was to help someone in need by giving them the money and then writing about it.
She decided to give it back to the homeless man who greets us often near our supermarket. She walked up to him with a big smile and chatted for several minutes before returning to me. She whispered, “Let’s try it again,” as she buckled up her booster seat.
As I returned the shopping cart, a man approached me. He said: “Your daughter made me smile today,” “You have a very kind girl.”
Empathy gets a score of one.
Amy’s Final Thoughts
Katie’s insight into how to teach our children empathy is so valuable. As a Positive parenting educator, I understand how powerful it can be to show our children the same empathy as Katie did.
