4 Things to Say Instead of “Because I Said So”

4 Things to Say Instead of “Because I Said So”

We all know that it doesn’t require threats, bribes, and “reminders” every three minutes to get our children to do their chores.

Why does it happen?

“Because i said so” does not motivate this generation’s savvy yet stubborn kids. Millions of parents are at the wits’ end trying to find a way to get their children to cooperate.

The authoritarian “Because I told you so” parenting style is dying out. Collaboration and respect have replaced the dominance from the top down of previous generations.

Just as it is archaic to expect a husband to “demand” that dinner is on the table the moment he walks in from work, and bosses today would not reprimand their employees for being five minutes late to the office, parents should not rely on pure authority in order to make sure kids follow the rules.

These changes are a result of a major shift in society, which is evident everywhere, from cable television to social media. They’re unlikely to change anytime soon.

We show our kids how to respectfully negotiate in all places, including the doctor’s offices and the home business calls.

The reign of cooperation changed the way we parent our children. You’ll do it because you were told to” and wait until your dad gets home! are more likely to cause a power battle than to get our kids to take action.

Teachers and coaches should treat children with respect. Children will then perceive this as the norm, even at home.

Due to these changes in society, parents will find themselves in more power struggles if they insist on compliance or rely on the “Because I told you so” argument.

We can still help children clean up their act if we change our parenting methods.

Four phrases to use instead of “Because I said so”

1) “When…Then…”

It’s good to know that we can make our children do their work in a timely fashion, before their favorite TV show, for example, yelling orders.

You can also say, “After you have cleaned out the car of trash, you are welcome to enjoy the media for the rest of the day.”

Say it the same way every time (em> “strong>When/strong> you’ve finished all your math problems,…strong>then/strong> you can go outside with your friends.”/em>) to avoid power struggles. Speak the same words every time. (After finishing all your math homework, Then You can go outside and play with your friends.).

Your kids will soon be able to leave the couch more quickly and complete their tasks.

2) “Anything you can do to …”

Can’t we relate to the fact that being bossed about is one of the things that makes kids crazy?

Instead, invite cooperation using respectful phrases whenever you need a helping hand to rake leaves or pack for the beach. This is what you would say to a coworker.

You can say, “Anything that you can do to prepare us for our beach vacation would be an enormous help,” or, “Who can help me gather all these leaves in a big pile before it starts raining?”

These phrases may not always get you the help you need, but when they do, your children will feel more comfortable contributing to the family on their terms and be more willing to do so again.

What’s your plan for …?”

Why is it that our children seem to be more interested in the Gettysburg diorama we have due Friday?

Ask, “What is your plan to finish your diorama on time?”

This is not only more encouraging, but it also puts the ball in their court. They will start thinking of ways to accomplish the task without any nagging.

“Asked and answered.”

This tool from Lynn Lott MA, MMFT, co-author with Jane Nelsen, EdD of the positive discipline series, stops whining effectively in its tracks.

If your children complain about you not allowing them to roller skate in the living area, say, “Have You Heard of ‘asked & answered? ‘”

Review the question and the answer (“Did I ask you if you can roller-skate on the floor of the living room?” “What did you say?”).

Ask: “Do I appear to be the type of parent who will change her mind if you repeatedly ask the same question?”

The child may protest, roll their eyes, leave, or do a combination. Ignore the child.

If your child continues to ask the same question, you can reply, “Asked, answered.” Your daughter will quickly understand and stop complaining.

Final Thoughts

Remember that even though we live in a more collaborative age, you are still the parent.

It’s more likely that you will get cooperation than pushback when you look for solutions and encourage collaboration instead of giving orders.

When will you have to stop? If you’ve not done it a dozen or more times in a day, the weight won’t be as great.

Try out these phrases with your children today and enjoy the new era. You’ll find that everyone in your family will be happier and more cooperative if you never say, “Because i said so!”.

I would love to share more parenting tips with you if you like learning these four phrases.

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